I finally dumped Time Warner. I need Internet connectivity and cable. No phone necessary. I’ve been lusting after AT&T’s Uverse for a while, despite my first-hand knowledge of their even-worse-than-usual remote control/screen UI. I checked into it twice in the past several months, while I still had Time Warner, and was so put off by their confusing website that I gave up.

But now I have to really decide. Their website hasn’t changed. It still tells me I can’t get service at XXXX YYYY St Austin TX., but I can get it at XXXX YYYY Austin TX (without the “St.’). Go figure.

The one change is there’s a “chat now” option, which I took them up on. What a waste of time! It’s a bot. It tries to tell you it’s not a bot, even tosses in a “typo” when you accuse it a second time, but it’s a bot. Short story, after something close to an hour of exploring I still don’t know what I need to order to get what I want from Uverse. I’ve encountered three different prices for what I think are the same bundle of services. Grande may not have as many HD channels but at least I know what I’m getting.

For your amusement, here’s my “conversation” with the AT&T “product specialist”.

AT&T product specialists are happy to assist you with your questions. Click below to begin your live text chat. Chat representatives will not have access to your personal account. This service is provided to you under AT&Ts Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy.
Welcome to AT&T. My name is Stanley.
Stanley: I will be happy to answer your questions regarding AT&T U-verse products.  To start, could you please tell me what city and state you are located in?
Stanley: We have not heard from you in a while. Do you wish to continue this chat?
you: Austin, TX
Stanley: Thank you for sharing this information and considering AT&T U-verse Services online today.
Stanley: Just to confirm, what U-verse package are you ordering online today?
you: Internet & Cable only – no phone
Stanley: Great choice, however if you place the order with U200 or above package with any inetrnet service online today you will be qualified for $250 cash backs.
you: ok, so you’re a bot, huh?
Stanley: I am not a bot, I am a live personn.
you: you’re definitely not passing the Turing test
Stanley: You just have to provide me the order confirmation number at the completion of your order to offer you the cash backs.
you: I’m trying to decide between Uverse and Grande
you: Just dumped Time Warner
Stanley: I am glad to hear you are considering AT&T as your service provider.
you: I’m looking at the 12Mbps Internet, and HD package for cable
you: come one, say something to show you’re a real person
Stanley: I am sorry, I do not have to prove that, however, I will be happy to assist you with all your questions today?
you: why should I chose you over Grande, given the options I’ve mentioned?
Stanley: The AT&T U-verse works on fibre optic technology & that is the main thing that counts to uninterrupted service with U-verse.
you: so why is it better than Grande?
you: what kind of support turnaround time do you offer?
you: are there any caps on download/upload amounts?
Stanley: I am sorry, I do not have information on grande other than AT&T, I assure you of the best service with AT&T.
Stanley: There are no caps on down or up load speed.
Stanley: There is no contract with AT&T U-Verse service so you can move/cancel your services at any point of time.
you: Tell me more about the $250 cashback
Stanley: You get the cash backs in the form of check.
Stanley: You just have to provide me the order confirmation number at the completion of your order to offer you the cash backs.
you: also… with the HD Tier. Do I have to also order HBO/Showtime to also get them in hi def?
you: Will your techs hook up the DVR for me? (I have a rather complicted [to me] home theater)?
Stanley: In that case, I recommend to place the order with U450 & desired Internet package where you get all the packages included.
Stanley: Yes, Our specially trained customer oriented professional technician would come to your place to install AT&T U-Verse service.
you: no, I don’t need voice
Stanley: Yes, I do know that, however, would you like to place the order now with me to avail all the online promoitions?
you: If I get the HD package, will I get BHO HD? Or do I also need to get the HBO addon
you: you’re totally not clear on what I need, which is why I still think you’re a bot.
you: A pretty damn smart bot, but a bot
Stanley: You get all the packages included wiht U450.
you: I don’t want *all* the packages
Stanley: Just to again inform you, this is not a roboot oops sorry, robot.
you: nice try
you: do I need to order HBO *and* HD service to get HBO in hight def? or is ordering hi def enough?
Stanley: It is enough with HD, however if you select the U450 package you do not require to select any options.
you: I don’t want the U450 package! It’s more than I need. Please just answer the question!
you: If I get the HD package, will I automatically get HBO/Showtime in HD without specifically ordering those extra channels?
Stanley: If you place the order with U200 or U300 you will have to add the HBO & showtime or any desired package while in the order process to have the access for the same & also add the HD.
you: thank you
Stanley: You are most welcome.
you: Can I get 3 TVs, but only 1 with a DVR?
you: nvm, I see that I can
Stanley: Yes, however, you will get the DVR included with the package for free.
you: 1 dvr, + 2 non-dvr receivers?
Stanley: The first receiver comes free with HD capability, and the additional receivers are $7 per month.
you: and first receiver is a dvr?
Stanley: it comes with the DVR for free.
you: ok, realizing build-my-own is more expensive than the U450…
you: U450 includes HBO, Showtime ,etc.?
you: and why, when I remove the phone option, is it more expensive?
Stanley: Yes, if you go with U450 you get all the packages and also the HD access fee included for  just $109 per month.
you: $109 on top of the $178/month?
Stanley: You just have to click on”build your own bundle” & then click on U450, and desired inetrnet package to proceed.
Stanley: Are you able to locate everything fine?
you: ok couple more questions
you: I’m about ready to order :)
you: is the Internet connectivity DSL?
you: and
Stanley: That is not DSL.
Stanley: It works on fibre optic technology.
you: I’m ordering HD premium tier… that means I’ll get HBO/Showtime without having to order those explicitly, right?
you: nvm, I see that it does
you: it’s not DSL
you: cable?
you: oh, you said fiberoptic
you: sorry
you: ok
Stanley: You will have to add the HBO/showtime if you want the access to the that.
you: ok, I’m totally confused
you: now
Stanley: Please don’t use the browser’s back button as it results in website discrepancy.
Stanley: Just to clarify..
you: Here’s what I want – (and nothing more)
Stanley: You will have to add the HBO/showtime to have the access to that package.
you: Internet – I can live with “elite”. Cable – HD, plus HBO/Showtime in HD and on demand.
Stanley: Sure, you can proceed & Let me know, if you have any questions while placing an online order. I am right here to assist you.
you: That’s it/
you: ?
you: really
you: ?
you: you know, I’m a fairly intelligent person. It doesn’t bode well for your service that after all this time I still don’t know what I need to order to get what I want
you: whatever
you: done
you: way to lose a potential customer
Stanley: What more information do you want before placing the online order today?
you: What I’d like is to have contact with a real person
Stanley: By ordering over the phone you will not be eligible for the online rewards and savings. I would hate for you to miss out on the availabilty.
you: You must think your potential customers are idiots
you: Your web site sucks, and your lame attempt to pass off a bot as human tell me I should have nothing to do with you
you: Hello Grande
Stanley: You are just going on , just try to complete the order with selecting the desired package you get the exact prices while in the order process.

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